Sunday, May 6, 2012

Zombies Need Love to

Those who follow me, know I have this thing for zombies. I think my fascination now is because as a child I was scared to death of zombies. I couldn't even drive past a cemetery without picturing corpses clawing and digging their way out of their graves. So, somehow, oddly enough, that fear turned into love. 

Don't ask how. 

Back in 2010, I need a post on why zombies need love. I figured I'd update it. 

  • They never talk back to you. You can pretty much say anything to them and their response will be, “Ahh-Mhh-brains.” You're always going to win an argument with them.
  • Someone also suggested that they don't play mind games and if you', lucky enough to be in a relationship with one, you pretty much know what they want from you. Your brains. Talk about a first between males and females.
  • For the most part, they’re slow runners. You’re never feel more in shape then running against one of them. Unless they're the super fast zombie kind, therefore I suggest you start hitting the gym.
  • They are easy to maintain and feed. Their diets are pretty obvious. Don’t have to worry about any food allergies. Just give them... human meat.
  • You will always look HOT standing next to one of them. That is probably the best thing about zombies. Having a bad hair day? A pimple the size of a mountain? You didn't shower for three days? Doesn't matter. At least your skin isn't sloughing off.
  • They could be used for some manual labor jobs that typically don’t involve the public and no living creature would want to do. Like in Shaun of the Dead, we can chain them to check out lines and have them bag groceries.
  • They won’t be a strain on our healthcare costs or social security. They're dead. Enough said.
  • We could tax them however. In a zombie apocalypse, I'm sure they'll outnumber humans 1000 to 1, so think about our debt crisis. The government could impose a zombie tax. Crisis solved.
Have any more reasons why we should love zombies? Add them in the comment section.


Katie McGarry said...

Ha! Love the post. Especially the whole you're faster than them.

Heather Smith Meloche said...

This is hilarious! My husband is a true believer and zombie-lover. He is only half-kidding when he and all the neighborhood kids have "Zombie Apocolypse" drills in my house. They rush upstairs, fill up the bathtub with fresh water for when the water supply is contaminated, and empty my food pantry. I'm usually finding canned goods in my kids' bedrooms for weeks after! Thanks for the post!

Colette Ballard said...

I'm now convinced that zombie's would be the perfect companion! nice post, Jennifer: )